Dear diary,

Its been awhile i didn't write any entries. i private my dearly blog. i never did it. yeah. many things happen to me lately. Things that total make my life felt so like an empty trash. My heart shattered. wounds with many scars. Its too hurt for me. i just cant barely said anything. But things that happen to me making me really down and felt sorrow. one week before i was like everyday crying, sober and felt so numb. I just cant accept it. i really can accept it. For a week i try to make myself a strong and act like nothing happen. But yeah im not a perfect women. My hair never stay at one place. Clumsy. yeah thats me. I cant barely think about anything.

In here. Shah Alam, i only have 8 "siblings". I dont have anybody here. Rather my own brother that live in Kuala Lumpur. They too busy with their life. All of them. My 8 "siblings". I love them so much. I really care about them. Because they kind to me. They accept who the real me without any complain or what so ever. I love them. Really love. Friendship over 3 years. Since i study in Uitm. First semester. that was really a miserable moment for me. My boyfriend left me, and my roomates stabbed me at the back. Well as freshie, doesnt know anything here, the only person that you trust in your friend that register same course with you and living together with you in a same room. I trust them because i thought i can shared all my stories to them. But unfotunately i was wrong. Not all people are kind hearted. Not all of them. Theres so much hatred feeling their have towards me. I really dont know what is my really fault actually. I just trust them sincerely. But at my back, they keep talking. First semester, my boyfriend left me because we are in long distance relationship and he already have someone else. That time i really-really felt down. My friend talking about me behind my back and yet the one that i hope i cant cry to his shoulder but his gone. Can you imagine what i feel? I was totaly down. I lost everything.

But then, i wake up. I try really hard to achieve good result in my examination. Alhamdulilah i achieve what i need.Problems that encounter my life was really boost my spirit to become a better person. Then i meet my 8 "siblings". They not like my previous friends. They really a good friends. Never said back things behind my back * that was what i felt that time* They accept all my badness. My attitude. They willing to share all the happiness and sadness things. But all gone. Just because one of my friends. My bonding with them are losses. I cant accept what she had done to me. Because all this time i never talking behind her back and i always think positive to her. But "things" that she do to me.. Its really hurt. I dont know wether any person can stand and pretend to be okay after what she had done. I became a sad person again. Like first time im in Shah Alam. Its hurt enough that all my happiness and my moment with all my 8 "siblings" all gone.I dont want to talk about what she had done. When i keep remind of it, my hurt feels so ache. Its hurts enough. I felt so disappointed. Because i thought i have bestfriend here. Sharing all things together. Before all this happen, i already thought of posting something special for them. But we cant predict what happen. We will never can read people minds. I feel phobia. I cant trust any of my friends. Luckily now only 1 person that still stand behind me, hold me tight. Support me, give me encourage. Thats only him. Even he far away from me. Thank you Allah, even you gave me big test in my life, but You send me someone that make me strong and be able to stand with all this matters.

Now only 4 days left. I really cant wait to go back where im belong. Because my heart was not here anymore. I only keep my mind and my heart to be strong. I have to face all this test and finish my Diploma Show. Its just around the corner now. I able to be here just because of my study things. I dont want to make myself fools and lost everything here just because of this stupid problems. For me, things happen for a reason. Things that happen to me will make me more careful when meeting new people and knowing them then make them as my friends. I really learn a lesson! What i have now juat my family and him. They always besides me and accept the real me. Thanks god because still give me someone for me to depend on. Syukur.

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better in time.